It is 1 am and I have ultimately decided to start a blog about my depression. Well, not strictly about my depression (I also have anxiety), but the growth that came with realizing it… ‘materializing’ it. Coming to terms with it. Seeing it be what it is. Like giving birth to an awkward, angst-ridden teenager I never wanted, only it’s a teenager forever, and the teenager is me. It is all very complicated.
So with that, I will try to write about it the best way I can. Be forewarned that may include a little bit of history of self-harm, self-indulgence, and a disturbing lack of self-awareness, but there is a whole lot of ‘self’ going on that it may become tiresome, but I do have some self-deprecating humor that may make it worth the read. You get the point.
Understand though that keeping it as lighthearted as I possibly can, there will always be a gravity to the words that will only ever be left to your (the reader’s) interpretation, as it always has. These are words that bear my opinions, my emotions, and my experiences that of course may differ from others, and that is wholly right and okay. But if you in some ways can relate in this lonely internet to anything here that you read, then it is an honor to contribute to the company you seek.
Also, yes, I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. No, I do not have a medical degree on psychology nor psychiatry. Yes, I am on medication and counseling. Do I intend on being on that forever? Whether I want to or not, I’m not a doctor (as mentioned). Yes, I am working on being better (and discovering what ‘better’ means). Do I think I am getting better? With 5 steps forward, 2 steps back, and 11 steps sideways, maybe.
More than this I am a person who happens to have it. It is not all that I am. And if you happen to have the same thing, it is not all that you are. We are whole in another way.
So without further ado, here is… my blog.
(Very anticlimactic, but you will find that most things are)